The Fellowship of the Booklights
by PBL
Summary: Once in a while, a story comes along that is so magnificently written, so profoundly insightful, that it has the power to change the world. This is not that story.
1. The Legend Begins...Mischief, Mayhem, an...

There are legends among the vendors of Planet Gunsmoke...legends of novelty items and items of convenience, items once believed gone away forever with the rest of the lost Technology. Yet there remain whispers of one special item, one that glows with power and bears the inscription:**__**

_One Booklight to rule them all, One Booklight to find them,_   
_One Booklight to bring them all and in the darkness bind them._

Or not. 

Booklight: (n) A small device which is attached to the pages of books and used to illuminate reading space when overhead light is unavailable. 

Penis: Male genitalia.****

**The Legend Begins...Mischief, Mayhem, and Novelty Items**   
**A Booklight Story by WickedTigerlily (wickedtigerlily@yahoo.com**) 

Meryl felt the tall blonde watching her intently as she checked the address carefully printed on the envelope for the tenth time before handing it to the slightly impatient postal worker. With a satisfied smile, Meryl turned to leave. Vash's long strides matched her quicker, shorter ones as the two made their way back to the rented house. However, the amiable silence of their short walk was shortlived. 

"Hey Meryl, I've been meaning to ask you something..." he began a little hesitantly. 

Meryl gulped, afraid of what he might say, but too curious to back out. "Yes, Vash?" 

"How do you do your reports at night when there are no lights on?" he asked innocently.   
She blinked a couple times in confusion. 

"Oh. I have a booklight." She reached into her cape and pulled out the small light, dropping it into his open palm. 

Meryl turned her gaze back to the dusty road, a smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth. She could see Vash out of the corner of her eye as he examined the light gingerly, using the very tips of his fingers. 

"Um, Meryl...?" he squeaked. 

"What is it Vash?" 

"This is...um..." 

"Spit it out, Vash," she said, feigning irritation at his hesitation. 

"THISISAPENIS." 

Meryl raised a skeptical eyebrow. "What?" 

"Nevermind." Vash dropped the offending item back into her hand, and backed away slowly. "Um...I have to go...and get donuts. Uh...BYE!" he hollered as he ran away, leaving a cloud of dust behind him. 

Meryl watched the crazed blonde escape, and began to giggle evilly as she pocketed the penis-shaped booklight. _I am sooo bad_, she thought as she whistled and started her latest report.   



	2. Mouthing Off

**Mouthing Off**   
**A Booklight Story by Empress Galaxia (fluffywoodchuckqueen@hotmail.com)**

Wolfwood watched her with a growing sense of bemusement. 

"It's down here somewhere, I just know it!" Milly exasperated. 

The kitchen was a mess. Drawers and cabinets were pulled open, their contents strewn about the table and countertop. Milly was currently sifting through one of the last cabinets, her head and arms invisible to the priest. 

He lit a cigarette. If she wasn't looking, she wouldn't mind, right? "Whatcha lookin' for again, big girl?" 

She pulled out of the cabinet, hitting the back of her head on the way. "A can opener." Pointing to the brown bag on a chair, she explained, "The store only had canned pudding mix, and I couldn't get it open with a knife or anything, and I can't find the can opener anywhere. It's just too darn dark in here." 

Wolfwood thought about loaning her a match, then decided Milly in an enclosed space with fire was never a good idea. 

She sat on the floor with her shoulders slumped. She was almost ready to cry, until inspiration struck. 

Milly scrambled off of the floor and ran to the room she and Meryl were sharing. Just as he was ready to follow, she ran back into the kitchen, a small flashlight between her teeth. She dove back into the cabinet to rummage once more. 

Meryl strode into the kitchen, apparently perturbed by Milly's run in and out of their room. Realising it was useless to talk to the half of Milly hanging out of the cabinet, she turned to Wolfwood. "Do you know what that was about?" 

He blew a puff of smoke. "Flashlight." 

"But I don't have a--" 

"FOUND IT!" Milly backed out of the cabinet once again, proudly waving high the can opener. She turned to face them and grinned. 

And dangling from her grinning mouth was a booklight in the shape of a penis. Wolfwood began choking on his cigarette. 

"Milly, get it out of your mouth!" Meryl screamed. 

The light still between her lips, she asked, "Why, Sempai?" 

"Because it doesn't look right there! Just...just come with me!" She ran to her partner and dragged her back to their room. 

Wolfwood gulped down a glass of water, trying to right his insides. He pulled another cigarette out of his jacket and lit it. For a moment, his eyes were unfocused and lost in thought. Another moment later, he shook his head, as if trying to rid it of said thought. Removing the cigarette, he rubbed a hand over his eyes, muttering, "Forgive me Lord, for my mind has sinned..."   
  



	3. Thus Spoke Booklight

**Thus Spoke Booklight**   
**A Booklight Story by Grey (grey@greyandblack.com)**

Knives hadn't planned on speaking to his subordinate - he had better things to do than play with untermensch. Still, something made him turn back as he breezed by, something he'd seen out of the corner of his eye... 

Legato was sitting at the table reading, with a paperback in one hand and a bag of potato chips in the other. This was nothing out of the ordinary, as he'd probably borrowed Knives' copy of "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" again. Last time, the fool had gone through with a red pen and circled all the bits about sin, sending Knives into a week-long funk that ended with a day-long torture session. 

This time, Legato didn't seem to be taking notes, which was a reassuring sign. Even so, there was something strange about the scene, something that gave Knives pause. He considered the scene carefully - metal table and chair, bag of chips with some sort of idiotic slogan on the front, booklight... wait. 

Knives strode forward, cowing his servant as he plucked the portable light from the table. He turned it over and over in his hands, running his thumb over the little plastic shade. 

"Legato, where did you get this?" 

"I found it, Master, when I was following Vash the Stampede." A beat, then, "Eternal suffering to Vash the Stampede!" 

"Yes, right, eternal suffering," Knives muttered distractedly. "Do you know what this is shaped like?" 

"Of course, Master," Legato simpered. "It's a penis booklight." 

Knives glanced at the light again, and then at his servant - light, Legato, the light again. At length, he placed the light back on the table gingerly, and then went on his way once more. 

"Filthy human," he spat, wiping his hand off on his pant leg.   



	4. The Torch Is Passed

**The Torch Is Passed**   
**A Booklight Story by Empress Galaxia (fluffywoodchuckqueen@hotmail.com)**

"Why?" 

It had been the sixth time the question had been asked. Five times, it had been avoided, or dismissed. 

"There...there are things about my past you just wouldn't understand!" 

"I'm not asking about all of your past, I just want an answer to my question!" 

Vash leaned on Meryl's bureau. Meryl lie on her bed, exhausted from the conversation. 

"Can't we continue this later?" she sighed. 

Vash muttered, "It was just a simple question." 

The subject of conversation was the four-inch booklight resting on Meryl's bureau. 

The one in the shape of a penis. 

Meryl sat up and faced him. "I was a crazy kid back in my college days. My friends bought it for me one birthday as a joke. That's it. That's the story." 

Vash eyed it warily. "Then why do you still have it? It's...I mean..." 

She snorted and raised an eyebrow at him. "It's not perceived as a threat to your masculinity, don't worry." 

Vash's face turned bright red. "I don't--! It's not--! I'm much bih--! You should--!" 

In lieu of a complete sentence, he did the next logical thing. 

Vash grabbed the booklight and made a run for it.   



	5. Corruption of the Church

**Corruption of the Church**   
**A Booklight Story by WickedTigerlily (wickedtigerlily@yahoo.com)**

"Chapel, how long have you been with the Church?" Zazie asked curiously, climbing up into the chair next to his tall colleague. 

"I was chosen when I was but a child," Chapel answered tersely. 

Zazie looked down at the Bible Chapel was reading in the dark room, and the bright light that danced along the verses. 

"So I guess you've never heard of novelty items?" 

Chapel looked up from his book. 

"Of course I have. Who do you think gave Wolfwood that portable confessional?" 

The short Gung Ho Gun squelched the laughter that threatened to bubble up, his eyes never leaving the booklight in Chapel's hands. "My mistake. Sorry, Chapel," Zazie giggled as he hopped off the chair, "By the way, where did you get that booklight?" _I wonder where a priest would get a penis booklight…_   
  
"Wolfwood sent it to me. Why do you ask?" 

The blonde grinned and shrugged. 

"No reason," he scampered off to find Dominique, "Bye, Chapel!" 

"What a strange child," Chapel muttered to himself as he turned another page and began to read another verse.   



	6. What a Nice Young Man

**What a Nice Young Man**   
**A Booklight Story by Jaina (lhanson@bgnet.bgsu.edu**)

Granny sighed and looked out the window at the west plains. There was still at least an hour until sunset, but already the light of the two suns had dimmed enough to make it difficult for her to read her book. The words seemed to blur together on the page. She sighed and rested her head against the wall. Her shortened evening reading time seemed like just another reason to settle into the gloomy mood that had surrounded her all day. She wasn't sure why. Nothing bad had happened, after all. Lina had behaved herself and Ericks hadn't even been to the hospital for a whole two weeks. And yet Granny was troubled, as if something upsetting was on its way that she couldn't quite figure out. She'd hoped to cheer herself up by settling down with the worn text for a while—it was one of her old favorites—but that idea was no longer feasible. 

"Granny?" Ericks peeked around the corner, his usual wide smile firmly in place. "Having trouble reading?" 

"You know my old eyes, dear," Granny sighed. "They just aren't what they used to be." 

"I could read to you, if you'd like," he offered. 

"Oh, thank you, but I'm afraid it just wouldn't be the same." She smiled at him fondly. "When I read myself, I can hear all the voices of the characters and really see the world I'm reading about. It's a little different when someone else is reading. I'll just have to continue tomorrow." 

"All right," he said, frowning a little. "Unless…I know!" He snapped his fingers and ran out of the room and down the hall towards his room. Granny stared after him, perplexed, until he returned, triumphantly grasping an object in his hands. "Here," he said breathlessly. "This will help you read even when it's dark." 

Hesitantly, Granny reached out to take the item. "Um…what is it, dear?" She held it up to her face to examine more closely. She thought she knew, but she'd never seen one quite like this before… 

"It's a booklight!" He replied cheerfully. "Just attach it to your book and you'll have enough light to see. A friend of mine once left it with me, but I don't really need it." 

"Oh, thank you, Ericks," Granny said, struggling to keep a pleasant smile on her face. "I'm sure it will be very helpful." 

"I'm glad." He grinned at her once more, than departed. Granny waited until she was absolutely sure he was out of earshot before bursting into rather undignified giggles. That dear boy. She no longer felt any trace of melancholy, only amusement and a warm feeling inside when she thought of Ericks' eagerness to help others. Of course, he must have intended this when he brought her such an absurd thing, though he'd kept a straight face…but then, Ericks was such a bad liar… 

She shrugged and turned to her book, the long, straight booklight lending a cheerful glow to the scene. The important thing was that she had a kind, wonderful young man as part of her family, a man who'd cared enough to help an old lady read. That was what really mattered. 

Still, she couldn't help but wonder if Ericks realized that his booklight was shaped liked a penis. 

_Stay tuned for Booklights II: Electric Boogaloo_   
_Coming soon to a crackhead near you_


End file.
